Alang Kenari Chalet, Yan, Kedah Darul Aman

So, I just finished my holiday. For Prophet's day and Christmas. Got 4 days off make me....

Err what the fuck I need to do then.

On last Wednesday, I went to Puncak Mutiara, Kampung Pelet. We had made surprise birthday there.

All these planned by my friend for her boyfriend which also my friend too.

We had a good time there with a good food. Unfortunately, I forgot to snap the food. Hahaha.

Done that part, on Thurday, 24/12/2015. I felt so fucking bored. Go nowhere.

Just sleeping and chatting via social network until I had made decision to go this place.

Alang Kenari Chalet. At first, I wanted to go Salak Denai, which this place had been viral recently.

But so damn, this place had fully booked until 3rd of January. Uwawawaawa.

Well, at last, I had chose Alang Kenari as my destination.

Me hahhaa

My bro. He's so happy been here. Haha

This place so fantastic. Again, I had forgot to snap the place. Excited maybe. Haha. 

Soon will update once I took the pictures from my sister. This place is so nice.

You can come with your family or friends. This place can also do for BBQ. Got place for cook.

I am definitely will come here again. To repeat the moment haha.

So for the admission fee, you just pay RM7 for adult and RM5 for children. Quite affordable. 

If you ask me la. Hahaha so what you waiting for? Go for it la wei. Hahahaha

My mum's face look so exciting haha

 

1st year Anniversary of Friendship

Look at you.


You're young.


And you're scared.


Why are you so scared?


Stop being paralyzed.


Stop swallowing your words.


Stop caring what other people think.


Wear what you want.


Say what you want.


Listen to the music you want to listen to.


Play it loud as fuck and dance to it.


Go out for a drive at midnight and forget that you have school/work the next day.


Stop waiting for Friday.


Live now.


Do it now.


Take risks.


Tell secrets.


This life is yours.


When are you going to realize that you can do whatever you want?



----- Louise Flory


P/S : Happy 1st year anniversary of friendship, Mr.R. May the force be with you. Love yaaa

3 kinds of Hearbreak

The first is when someone is reckless with your heart and it breaks,


And it shatters in ways you never thought it could



The second is when you break someone's heart because you'll never know pain,


Like the type that has you look into their eyes but they look away



And the worst kind of heartbreak is the kind that comes along when you have to watch the person,


That you love, be happy with someone else

Self confidence

Stop focusing on all the negatives about yourself. Being "beautiful" isn't defined by one aspect okay


No one loves everything about themselves. We're all flaw-filled human beings.


There has to be one thing you like about yourself and focus on that.


If you really don't like something about your body, your face, then do something about it.


Don't sit there and mope. That isn't going to do anything.


If you think you need to lose weight, lose weight in a healthy way.


If you don't like your hair, go try a new hairstyle


Stop comparing yourself to other people.


You hate it when your parents compare you to other kids right?


So why are you doing the same thing to yourself?


You may like some features in one person and wish you had the same features but that person may be wishing they had some of your features.


Look at yourself as one individual.



Credit to : HpLyrikz.com

Pick yourself up!

I kinda miss the bond we shared.

I mean, who wouldn't miss that comfortable feeling with a person?

Where we could talk for hours about everything, anything, and not have a problem the silence,

Silence in the middle.

Can't forget all the ridiculous stuff we did.

Stupid or not, everything was just so fun.

Endless nights, real talks, the "remember whens", I remember it all.

And it's funny what life does, how it could just give you things and take it away so soon.


I really can't get it out of my head that you grow distant from people,


And that good thing come to an end sooner or later.


But along the way, I learned one good thing about life;


It goes on, you just gotta pick yourself up and learn to keep up


------ Poemporn

I've learned

I've learned-
That you cannot make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.


I've learned-
That it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it. That it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.


I've learned -
That you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you better know something. That you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do. That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.


I've learned-
That it's taking me a long time to become the person that I want to be. That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.


I've learned-
That you can keep going long after you can't. That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.


I've learned-
That either you control your attitude or it controls you. That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is a first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.


I've learned-
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. That money is a lousy way of keeping score.


I've learned-
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time. That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down will be the ones to help you get back up.


I've learned-
That sometimes when I get angry I have the right to be angry, but it doesn't give me the right to be cruel. That true friendship continues to grow over the longest distance, and the same goes for true love.


I've learned-
That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.


I've learned-
That you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what tragedy it would be if they believed it. That no matter how good your friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while, and you must forgive them for that.


I've learned-
That it isn't always good enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you must learn to forgive yourself. That no matter how bad a heart is broken; the world doesn't stop for your grief.


I've learned-
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for whom we become. That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean that they don't love each other, and just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.


I've learned-
That we don't have to change friends, if we understand that friends change. That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.


I've learned-
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.


I've learned-
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
That the people you care about the most in life are taken from you too soon


I've learned-
That it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting someone's feelings or standing up for what you believe. That no matter what happens to me on earth or how much my faith falters, God's faith in me never dwindles or fails.


I've learned-
That life's lessons never end and wisdom can always be passed on.



Credit to : Susane Pieffer

Date the girl

Date the girl,


Whose hair is a mess and steals your t-shirts and kisses you in front of boys who look at her admiringly.


Date the girl,


Who wants to dance in the rain with you and make tea for you and make you laugh so hard you snort tea out your nose.


Date the girl,


Who cares so much that she can tell something is wrong just by looking at you.


Date the girl


Who will wrap her arms around you for no reason and pay attention when you talk about the things you love, even if she doesn’t love them herself.


Date the girl,


Who looks like a lazy Sunday afternoon instead of a Saturday night.


Yeah. Just date that girl.


— Date that Girl | Nikita Gill (via untamedunwanted)

Pause and Remember

Stop mentally abusing yourself.


Stop agonizing over your past mistakes and worrying about the future.


Life is hard enough without the added the fear, panic and anxiety.


Your soul is crying out for love and encouragement.


Take a moment to breath deep, get present and find some compassion for yourself.


Then, go out and treat yourself right; pamper yourself and take care of your needs.


You are worth it!


Credit to Jenni Young

The oldest Nasi Kandar - Hameediyah

Yesterday, Sunday 29/11/2015, I went to Penang. I went there with my best guy friend. Hmm


Seem like I was craving for Hameediyah, so we went there yesterday  We had took Nasi Briyani.


For dishes I had took Ayam Goreng Bawang, and he took Ayam Masak Ros.


The food was so delicious. Damn I am so full yesterday. Hahaha

Maybe....

No one can see your tears


Flowing down your cheek in the rain.


No one can understand the pain, you have gnawing on the inside


If you smile just like before.


No one can see your broken heart,


They cannot see that you are in pieces.


You are hiding it well.


Going out when it rains.


Smiling fake smiles.


With your mouth.


That never reaching your eyes.


Talking. Laughing. Fake. Fake. Fake.


You do wonder if there actually exist people out there,


People who can mend broken things as delicate as someone’s heart.


Maybe not.


Maybe not now.


Maybe someday.


Maybe never.


Maybe.

In the meantime,


you keep smiling and laughing and crying in the rain.



— Celtic-Poetry, Rain (via wnq-writers)

Take Chances

Take chances,


Take a lot of them.


Because honestly, no matter where you end up just the way it should be.


Your mistakes make you who you are.


You learn and grow with each choice you make.


Everything is worth it.


Say how you feel, always.


Be you and be okay with it.

This is a life!

You don't ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life.


It doesn't matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend.


Or a new acquaintance -- you don't have to make room for people who cause you pain,


Or make you feel small.


It's one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change.


But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries,


And continues to treat you in a harmful way....


They need to go.

Keep Moving. Don't Look Back

Stop worrying.


Stop getting angry at things that aren't worth the energy you put into staying angry.


Take a shower.


Take five showers.


Hell, take ten showers if you want to.


Stay in bed all day and do "nothing".


Watch shitty romantic movies and cry your heart out.


Stay outside all day.


Wake up in the morning with the determination to fall in love with your city all over again.


Find quiet cafes and independent book stores that you've never come across before.


Pretend you're a tourist and take photographs.


Stay out all night.


Do things.


Take care of yourself.


Breathe. Yeah don't forget to breathe.



Credit to : Unknown.

Open Letter to the Boy Emotionally Destroyed That Girl

This letter was touched my heart so deeply.

How I can feel her feeling, just like what I am been face by now.

Credit to : onmogul.com

Let you guy read this and engulf it to your soul.

***************************

I want you to imagine this: a girl sitting on her bedroom floor, dry-heaving, her body convulsing with each failed attempt at silencing the sobs, banging her fists onto the ground as she tried to make sense of it all. Now, I want you imagine my face because that girl was me, and I was never good enough for you. I was constantly coming second to dozens of other girls. You made me feel completely worthless. You emotionally ruined me.

I don’t hate you, though. Instead I want to thank you.

Despite it taking me months, I finally realized that it wasn’t me not being good enough for you, but you not being good enough for me. These words have resonated with me for some time, and I am constantly reminding myself that I deserve better than the distorted perception of love that was handed to me on a tarnished silver platter. I deserve better than being ignored, I deserve better than being manipulated, and I deserve better than you.

I know I’m not the same girl that was on my bedroom floor that night, because I would never give someone complete power over me where I lost control; complete power over me where I felt I was worthless.

I was consumed by nothing but negativity, and for a while I thought you were my only source of light. I was drowning and every single day I woke up and hoped your hand would pull me up to the surface and save me. I was wrong. That night was the night I realized your hand was never there to save me, but instead there to push me deeper below the surface. The only hand I needed was my own.

You were my darkness and it took me too long to realize this.

I know you’re a good person, but next time you ask yourself what it was you ever did to me I want you to think of the girl crying on her bedroom floor. I want you to think of the girl that couldn’t sleep because the nightmares were worse than reality, which had become her own personal hell. I want you to think of the girl who couldn’t eat because she had no appetite from the anxiety caused from thinking she did something wrong. I want you to think of the girl who hated herself so much she had to force herself to get up in the morning, only to crawl back into bed hours later. I want you to think of the girl who had countless silent breakdowns, hoping her parents wouldn’t hear. I want you to think of all the things you never saw, all the things you never experienced, all the things that were kept hidden.

And now I want you to think of the person I have become, and I want you to know that I am thankful for you creating a monster. I’m no longer a monster, and I no longer have to force happiness. No more do I have to seek validation from others that I am worthy. I am thankful you were a part of my life, because you became the best, worst thing to happen to me.

I do hope you’re happy, and just know I don’t regret you. I would never wish for you to experience the same hell as me, I just wish you the same happiness that I can finally experience every day. Thank you for engulfing me in darkness, thank you for helping me grow, and thank you for pushing me further below the surface. Too many great things have come from that darkness. Too many great things have come from you.

I thought ...

I thought.


I thought I'm over him,


But sometimes I still collapse and feel like I'm stuck in a cage of all the words he told me, a construct of lies.


I thought I was over him but sometimes my heart stops for a short moment,


Because a stranger looks like him just for a second.


I thought I'm over him but when I think about someone else touching my lips I get sick in my stomach.


I thought I'm over him, but while writing or reading poems they're all about him.


I thought I'm over him but I just can't forget.

~~~ Anonymous .

P/S : I really fucking wish to have amnesia right now. So I can forget everything which related to him

Being in love

Being in love is a very strange thing.


Your thoughts constantly drift towards this other person, no matter what you’re doing.


You could be reaching for a glass in the cupboard or brushing your teeth


Or listening to someone tell a story,


And your mind will just start drifting towards their face, their hair, the way they smell, wondering


what they’ll wear, and what they’ll say the next time they see you.

— Pittacus Lore, The Power of Six





P/S : I rather not being in love as I am so scared to feel hurt and pain as I can feel someone had


stabbed my heart, or shot it by gun. ~Sigh~

Learn to Let It Go

No one wants to give-up on someone they love, such as a relative, friend or lover.


But, sometimes we are forced to make hard decisions by extraordinary suffering.


It’s easy to judge, or say, “never give-up,” until you have been there.


Eventually, you begin to realize that life is too short and your powers to teach, influence or heal are limited.


You finally accept that their emptiness, pain and dysfunction requires more than you have to give.


You can’t hand your whole life and soul to someone who doesn’t even care about their own.


Letting go is an excruciating heartbreak; mourning the death of what once was.


If you did let someone go, and you still have guilt, it’s time to forgive yourself and begin to heal.


If it is time to let someone go, for their sake, or for yours, then this may be your confirmation.


— Bryant McGill

Diwali Celebration

Yesterday was Malaysia's public holiday. So of course I am getting excited since I'm off on that day, and also wanted to celebrate that special day for Indian citizens. My mother asked me to bring her to Penang, and met with her friend, Aunty Alia. So I am happy to obligated to her request. 

We went there about 12.00 PM, and to be lucky that, all petrol expenses being sponsored by my mother. Hahaha. Double lucky because I'm also got free food! We had arrived at Tanjong Bungah, and picked Makcik Ani, also my mother's friend. 

Since we came so early at afternoon, Aunty Alia said she couldn't managed to finish Nasi Briyani on time. So sad!! But sinc thosai was done, so we grabbed thosai. Her cooking so fantastic and delicious. To be honest, if you wanted to eat Indian foods, it's should be cooked by Indian families. The originality still there, and how I love so much Indian food!

The tasty thosai mixed together with dhal and chicken curry really made me so full. I can't imagined as I can ate almost 4 pieces of thosai. Hahaha. Freakingly awesome I guess. Normally if i went to Mamak and get the thosai, I can only ate only 1 piece only. That thing had made me so full already. But yesterday. Damn. Hahahaha I can still put that things almost 4 pieces. Really shocking. Mohohoho.

After we went to Aunty Alia's house, we went to Aunty Bavani's house at Batu Ferringhi. At there also, she was preapred thosai for us. Of course I will eat it! Hahahaha. Different people could be different style of cooking. At Aunty Bavani's house, her thosai quite plain if compared to Aunty Alia's one. Aunty Alia made it more crispy. But if compared to their chicken curry, both of them had made wonderful one. 

My mother was also excited with Indian cooking. She quickly asked the recipe and so on. Hahaha so funny of her. 

And more importantly, I also can tasted muruku, other Indian's snack. Damn. So crunchy. Yummyyyyyy. Haihhhh, anyone can give some more of muruku? I am craving on that. Uwawawawa.

After I had "attacked" 2 houses, (hahahhaha) quickly drove towards Kulim, as my brother had waited for me at his school. He just went back from Ulu Lengong, Baling for his school trip. 

Break free

Errr....

Yeah, indeed. 

This is what I need to do right now.

I need to get away for a while

To re-think what I am supposed to do.

Too much hurt, too much damaged.

And I think that I need a break for that.

To free the mind.

To break free from unwanted feeling.

~Sigh~

Just Tired

Seriously . Yes seriously I am so tired.


Tired to be a good person


Tired to be a wise person


Tired being sorry to something that I didn't do even I'm myself didn't know what's wrong


Tired to be a caring person which end up will make me so hurt.


Fucking hurt.


Is it a test for me? From Al-Mighty One?


Subhanallah.

Hurt

Hurt.

So fucking hurt, as I want to burst so much tears right now.

Am I so stupid enough to let this happen to me?

Why me? Why this must happened to me?

All I want just to be fucking happy. Am I so wrong to ask this kind of request?

So hurt. I am so hurt until I can felt the time was stopped for me. 

My heart broken. Shattered in a tiny pieces. Whereby no one can't pick it up and patch it back for me.

Damn. In this age, where I should think about marriage or children by the way.


Just why this happened to me?

I must say this is all my fucking fault, to let this happened.

Sometimes I was thinking, am my life changed to another way, if I am not meet this kind of people?

Or what would happened then?

I guess I need to move on, get over it and move my ass from this distraction relationship.


But I couldn't!


Oh please Leya, Make your mind now.


What do you want actually??!


Urghhh!

Mee Kuah Tulang Singkiaq

Tedia tedia tedia oi. Hahaha. Asyik post sedih saja haih, Kali ni nak post pasal makanan lak haih.

Last 2 weeks kot, aku pi umah adik aku dekat Merbok. Cadangnya nak tengok anak Si Ika tu, biras 

adik baru bersalin. Anak laki. Comei baq hang.

Geram haih tengok. Macam nak muka arwah Qaseh Nuraina ja aku tengok. Rindu dia huhuhu!

So lepas pada dah melawat tu, adik aku macam besa la selalu buat pasai. So dia ajak p makan lak dah.

Dia kata nak bawak mak aku makan Mee Kuah. Aku tanya dekat mana? Dia kata dekat Singkir. 

Orang utagha panggey Singkiaq. Hahaha!

Aku nak habaq jalan pun aku tak tau la haha. Tapi dia area Singkiaq, di mana penunjuk kedai tu ada 

bendera PAS huhu. Dia jugak dekat dengan masjid Singkiaq. 

Aku order Koey Teaw Kuah Ayam. For me hmmmmm so so la. Huhuhu kurang menangkap rasa dia.

In a meantime tu, mak and adik aku pesan Mee Kuah Tulang. Ha tu mmg bombastic. Sedap! 

No wonder la dia boh nama kedai dia, MEE KUAH TULANG. Rasanya tu yang dia nya signature kot

Aku yang bodo sebakui p order entah apa2. Hahaha! Tapi nak wat gena, aku mana reti makan tulang 

Sob sob sob.

Mee Kuah Tulang. Menangkap baq hang!

Koey Teow Kuah Ayam. Bole la huhu

So selamat menjamu selera la sapa2 yang duk tengok ni. Menangkap leleh gila bab nya. Lol!!

Simply

I just simply can't. You may asked me to do anything but not this one.


I'm not sure whether I am too clingy or maybe I am too stubborn person. Haihh


I am completely blurred. Need to do something on this.


I need to work on it. Get over it. As soon as possible. Hmm


Its getting make me so tired lately.


Just no more tears by the way. Just frustrated feeling.


~Leya~

Dedicated to girls

1. Not every girl wants to get married by 23. So before you ASSUME she's of marriageable age, ask her what her views on marriage are. One hint, might save you the drama- just because she does not want to get married now does not mean she never will. She has other plans for herself right now, let her live a little.


2. Just because a girl wishes to do her PhD after Masters does not mean she doesn't want to settle down in life. Give her a break, and respect the fact that she has the confidence to take that up, cos yeah, PhD is no joke. There will come a point when she would happily devote herself to her family, and balance it out with her work life. Her degrees, or lack of them, won't make any difference. Let her study while she wants to, okay?


3. Just because she is 27 and unmarried does not mean she's been rejected by many men. Maybe, being single is a choice she has made.


4. Having a boyfriend does not make her characterless.


5. Just because she has recently gone through a break up doesn't mean she is vulnerable and available.


6. Just because most of her friends are boys, does not mean she is "having a good time" with all of them.


7. Just because she has a drink in her hand does not mean she is an alcoholic.


8. Just because she wore a short skirt to one party does not mean she dresses up that way every day.


9. Just because she is ambitious doesn't mean she isn't a family person.


10. Just because she doesn't discuss her plans doesn't mean she's clueless about life. Give her a chance, alright?


11. Just because she is outspoken doesn't mean she is a rebel.


12. Just because she comes home late from work does not mean she is sleeping around with her colleagues.


13. After a hectic week, give her some time to relax over the weekend. Don't make that one weekend party make her look like a she's a frivolous party-girl without a job.


14. Just because she is out shopping alone does not mean she is depressed or lonely. It's how she relaxes, respect that.


15. Just because she is on a holiday alone does not mean she doesn't have company. Maybe it's a break to get back her lost confidence, or maybe that's how she is. Admire her spirit instead of giving her advice, okay?


16. Just because she is a woman doesn't mean she can't kick ass in military school.


17. Just because she has a tattoo doesn't mean she is attention seeking. Maybe that's her way of expression.


18. Just because she doesn't know how to cook doesn't mean she won't make a good wife. Remember when you were just married and cooked chicken curry which was um, a disaster?


19. Just because she likes everything pink and shiny and fluffy doesn't mean she lives in her own world. She can handle some situations much better than her male counterparts.


20. Just because she is pretty does not mean she is a whore. And just because she is friendly does not mean she is flirting with you.


Yes, we cry, we are emotional; we take things personally, and sometimes over-react to situations. But this does not give any one the right to judge us in the wrong way. Times are changing; don't confine her within those boundaries, no matter how orthodox you are. There are some who might be fighting this losing battle, yet compromising on their decisions and plans, just to please society. Respect n do share...

Credit to Womansera

Orang perempuan

Orang perempuan,

Kalau bergaduh dengan orang dia sayang, semua kerja tak jadi.

Badmood seharian. Menangis la. Rasa nak demam la. Rasa sakit kepala la.

Macam-macam perkara negatif la. Semua benda yang dia nak buat semua tak jadi...

Orang perempuan tak suka kena marah.

Tak suka orang garang-garang dengan dia. Tak suka kena tengking.

Tak suka diabaikan. Orang perempuan sangat suka bila ada orang ambil berat tentang dia.

Orang perempuan susah nak dengar cakap,

alau orang nasihat dia sindir-sindir atau tegur kasar-kasar dengan dia.

Bagi dia, cukup cakap baik-baik. Kalau dengan cara itu, in shaa Allah dia mudah terima.

Dan.. orang perempuan sangat suka dipujuk bila dia merajuk!


By : Ustaz Zaid Abdul

Mak and Me

Loyalty

When you have a good friend that really cares for you and tries to stick in there with you, 


you treat them like nothing. 


Learn to be a good friend because one day you're gonna look up and say I lost a good friend. 


Learn how to be respectful to your friends, don't just start arguments with them,


And don't tell them the reason, always remember your friends will be there quicker than your family.


Learn to remember you got great friends, don't forget that


And they will always care for you no matter what. 


Always remember to smile and look up at what you got in life.” 

Choices

Choose me or lose me?

I wish I could have so much strength to speak this.

Choose me if you love me.

Or you might lose me by pushing me away.

Why things become so complicated?

I won't asked much and I know you know what I want.

So frustrated when things turn to this way.

Is it happened due to my mistake? Or I might too attached?

Too clingy?

Choose me or lose me? Think deeply.

Bila hati berbicara

Hai, lama xmenconteng di muka blog ni. 

Cewahhh. Haiihhhh. Tu dia lawak haihh. Awai²dah mengeluh. Tu lah bukan nak kata la. 

Apa yang jadi ni, kadang-kadang kita tak tau apa yang Allah dah susunkan. Tak. Aku tak salahkan Allah. Aku tak salahkan sapa². Aku mmg patut salahkan diri aku.

Aku kdang² rasa betul ka dak keputusan aku balik mai utara. Adakah aku salah langkah? Kadang ntah la. Aku suka buat kputusan trburu². Ya. Allah barangkali nak uji aku. Adakah aku mudah terleka? Pedihnya hati ini.....

Aku perlu tetapkan hati. Jahatkah aku. Kejamkah aku. Ntah aku xtahu. Yang pasti nya aku perlu cri jalan keluar dr kemelutan ini. Haihhhh

Am I too clingy?

How. 

How should I do in order to meet this kind of person?

Recently too much hurt, too much heartbroken need to take care off.

I am so frightened. Of love now. How it makes me scared of love?

Am I too attached or too clingy?

For God sake, I am just want to be loved, just need a bit of attention.

Is it hard for you?

Seriously I'm so disappointed of you. The only thing that I can do is just to put my smile face in front of you.

Too many sorry you might said to me, but you didn't realized there are too many scar at my heart when you are too harsh to me. With your words.

Bad Habit

I have this bad habit of getting close to people
And thinking that their always to be by my side: but eventually they always leave.


I have this bad habit of loving people a little too much,
When they don't even love me back; and when they leave me my heart feels like someone threw it from the sky.



I have this bad habit of caring for people,
When they don't even care about me at all. Perhaps, if they saw through my eyes they'll see the scars I have deep down inside.



I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired.
I wish feeling didn't exist.


Why do feelings exist anyways?
I always fall for everything and let it destroy me.


It's my fault after all, but I still have hope that one day I find a person that shares the same bad habits as me.


Credit to : A.E

Pathetic Me

Yes I am.


I am so pathetic one. I was hoping so much. Was expecting too much from him.


Until I was felt broken. Disappointed. How time flies so fast.


He changed a lot. Too much changes that even myself can't handle.


I am so frustrated. Am I stepping into wrong relationship?


I am not asking too much. Just asking being himself. Like before and be with me.


Am my request too much? I wanted to be his favorite place whenever has has bad or good day.


Is it too much for him to do so? Or because I am too attached to him?


It's too unbearable indeed. I want to forget all this. But how?


It's so hurt. Even I am not his lover

Mood bercuti

Yes. Mood cuti dah mai dah. Oh yeah.

Where to go lor? Tak boleh pi jauh-jauh sebab ringgit tak elok. Pffft hahaha.

Gaji nak p Cameron Highlands la. Haihhh. Nak relaks kan minda. Dah penat dah. Letih. Sedih. Kecewa. Haihhh!!!!

Kejamnya. Tak pernah rasa macam ni. Hmmm. Xpala nak buat camna. Sabar Leya. Hang harus sabar. Hmmm

Lost

My head. Hurt. My heart was shattered. Broken into pieces. Its out of control now.

Darkness. Its seem going to after me. The more I run from it, the more closer its came. Sorround me with a dark world. Make me complete broken.

Where am I now? Where were you when I need you most? I am lost.

Lost into the darkness. I can't see any light. To light up my way out. I am lost.

I am completely lost. I can't find my way out. What gonna happen to me now? Is that my destiny? To be in the darkness? I am lost.

I am tired. So tired. Is it my place to be in the darkness, so that I can give up the light and give to other? If yes, then i rather to be lost. I will happy for that. If this way can make people happy instead. I will do.

Unbearable Emotion

I am weak.

So weak, even I can't handle my own emotion

Till when? Till when I need to be like this

Its just so hurt. So fucking hurt.

Why must this happened? At me?

Unbearable emotion.

Its so much swirling inside me. Damn

Life is full of shitty

Yeah. Indeed.

Sometimes I am getting sick.

Sick of the people who simply doing shitty on me. Haihh

Really want some pleasure moment for myself.

Need to take a break.

I Miss You but....

I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with.

I miss you when something is troubling me, because you the one who understands me so well.

I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear.

I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful we spent with each other ; for those were some of the best times of my life. ~Credit to Poems Porn~

But all this going to be my past. Until when I need to hold and cherish this moment if you are not cared of me. Anymore. Its really hurt me now. F*cking hurt so much. 

Game On!

Time flies so fast.

People changes. A lot I can say

No more old memories which we cherish a lot

You wanna play the game? Then let's play the game

You the one started the game, I will follow and will end it soon

Kinda sad when all this happen.

Keep in mind. Not all girl just follow your act

Some of it will put revenge, slowly stabbed into your heart.

I don't believe in Karma, but I rather be Karma itself.

Life is full of suprise

I never thought.

Never thought, from someone become your lover previously still can be your friend.

Why I am saying that?

Yeah. He came back to me. My ex.

We was broke up before this. 

He came to me, and give some motivation to me.

Seriously. I never thought about that.

Your ex love became your friend now.

How ironic the life is?

Weird indeed. Isn't?

Medicine of heart

I need a shot.

What shot?

Shot of medicine

What medicine?

Medicine of forgetting.

Forgetting? Forget of what?

To forget someone. Someone I love and still love till now.

Hmmmm..?

How i wish.

Wish for?

Wish to undone for everything.

*heartbroken*

Love vs Friendship

Which one is you?

Me?

Love friendship.

Yes. I love. In love with my friendship.

Deal with it. 

*Smiling face*

Learn to forget

Yeah. Indeed. Its too hard for me.

So much. Its so hurting me. A lot indeed.

But what I am supposed to do. I am just a stupid girl who trying to hold. The precious moment, so that its will stay forever with me.

Why? I am keeping asking the same damn question to myself. Why? Why Leya? Why you let this thing happened?

I am getting tired. Is it the time now, Leya?

I am asking again. That question. Am I ready to say that?

Say what?

"Enough is enough, Leya"

Breakdown. Mental breakdown.

Pain, pain....

Please. Please go away.

Upset Feeling ~~~ Go go away

I'm upset. But then, I am still smiling like nothing happened to me.

Keep smiling, Leya

And stay strong. You will find your own happiness if you keep patient.

You not an asshole. Hahaha!

Aku wanita

Ya.

Aku wanita. Ada masalah ka?

Kadang aku lemah, kadang aku jadi tabah. Aku adalah wanita. Perasaan berbaur-baur itu memang ada dalam jiwa aku.

Aku bukan simple minded. Malahan aku tahu aku ni complex minded.

Benda tak jadi, tapi aku dah pikiaq dah. Salahkah aku. Atau aku adalah wanita?

Ya. Aku wanita. Perempuan, perkataan yang lain untuknya. Penat. Ya penat jadi wanita.

Tapi aku bangga. Aku adalah wanita. Sakit aku, lemah aku, sedih aku. Aku bisa tanggung semua itu. Dengan sebuah senyuman.

Aku tak boleh lari dari perasaan itu. Perasaan wanita. Yang berbaur-baur.

Aku sakit. Sakit sangat. Tapi tak apa. Aku kuat. Tengoklah. Aku tersenyum.

Air mata? Peneman malam. Tapi aku tahu aku kuat. Hati berkecai. Tapi aku masih boleh memegangnya.

Tapi. Tidak pulak aku mencantumkannya.

Sakit. Hati aku macam cermin pecah. Kalau dicantum, jari luka

Ya. Aku wanita. Rumit. Susah.

Ya.

Aku wanita.

Overthinking

Overthinking.

What is overthinking?

Overthinking is thinking too much.

Am I being overthinking right now?

Woha, headache.

Getting worse today. Argh!

The Day You Left Me

Assalamuailaikum

Today. Haih. I'm hurt. I'm so hurt. Tapi sepatutnya aku tak patut pikir macam tu. Sebab apa? I'm full of myself. Tak patut. Memang tak patut.

While Im keep thinking of myself, I just came across thinking of my late father. Aku rindu. Aku nakkan ayah. Aku nak dia. But when I was looked at my handphone. The date. Yes it is today. I'm so shocked. I'm felt so guilty. Subhanallah. Apa dah jadi dengan aku.

I'm think too much of myself, but forget about this day. How I can be so selfish. Ayah, please forgive me. Ya Allah please do forgive me. Aku bersalah. Aku terleka sebentar.

26th September 2005. 

The saddest, miserable day of mine. A person that I loved the most, a person that I cared the most had leave me. Alone in this world. Had leave me when I'm just 17 years old on that day. Ya Allah aku kaget. Aku gementar. Bolehkah aku hidup tanpa ayah ketika itu.

On that day, yes he was sick. Being admitted at Hospital Kulim. But I never thought he had leave me. Kenapa? Kenapa aku tidak ada bersama dengan ayah masa tu? Aku nak. Aku nak bersama dengan ayah.

Everyday I'm praying. To Allah. Berdoa agar semuanya berjalan dengan baik. Mengharapkan ayah baik dan sihat. Tapi apakan daya Allah lebih menyayangi ayah. Dia ambil ayah dari kami, supaya Dia boleh jaga ayah dekat sana. Ya Allah. Ayahhhhh.

Ayah, how I wish you here. Miss so much your kindness, your smile, your laugh. Everything about you, ayah. Semoga Allah merahmati ayah. Along... Along minta maaf. Along belum lagi menjadi anak yang sempurna untuk ayah. Ayah, maafkan along. Insya Allah along akan buat terbaik.

Mak rindu ayah, adik rindu ayah, angah rindu ayah, abang pun sama. Ayah, kalau lah ayah ada sekarang ayah mesti bangga dengan abang. Dia sambung cita-cita ayah. Dia dah jadi tentera darat dah. I know you feel so proud of him now.

Ayah, had you look at us now? Ayah tengoklah insya Allah anak ayah akan buat yang terbaik. Along sayangkan ayah. Along kalau boleh nak ayah berada dekat sini. But it's too impossible kan ayah.

Al-fatihah for ayah

Khairol Azhar bin Ahmad
26sept2005 - 26sept2015

10 years already. You had leave us here. Insya Allah, kita akan berjumpa ayah. Along rindu ayah. 

Miss you soooo much!