Aku wanita

Ya.

Aku wanita. Ada masalah ka?

Kadang aku lemah, kadang aku jadi tabah. Aku adalah wanita. Perasaan berbaur-baur itu memang ada dalam jiwa aku.

Aku bukan simple minded. Malahan aku tahu aku ni complex minded.

Benda tak jadi, tapi aku dah pikiaq dah. Salahkah aku. Atau aku adalah wanita?

Ya. Aku wanita. Perempuan, perkataan yang lain untuknya. Penat. Ya penat jadi wanita.

Tapi aku bangga. Aku adalah wanita. Sakit aku, lemah aku, sedih aku. Aku bisa tanggung semua itu. Dengan sebuah senyuman.

Aku tak boleh lari dari perasaan itu. Perasaan wanita. Yang berbaur-baur.

Aku sakit. Sakit sangat. Tapi tak apa. Aku kuat. Tengoklah. Aku tersenyum.

Air mata? Peneman malam. Tapi aku tahu aku kuat. Hati berkecai. Tapi aku masih boleh memegangnya.

Tapi. Tidak pulak aku mencantumkannya.

Sakit. Hati aku macam cermin pecah. Kalau dicantum, jari luka

Ya. Aku wanita. Rumit. Susah.

Ya.

Aku wanita.

Overthinking

Overthinking.

What is overthinking?

Overthinking is thinking too much.

Am I being overthinking right now?

Woha, headache.

Getting worse today. Argh!

The Day You Left Me

Assalamuailaikum

Today. Haih. I'm hurt. I'm so hurt. Tapi sepatutnya aku tak patut pikir macam tu. Sebab apa? I'm full of myself. Tak patut. Memang tak patut.

While Im keep thinking of myself, I just came across thinking of my late father. Aku rindu. Aku nakkan ayah. Aku nak dia. But when I was looked at my handphone. The date. Yes it is today. I'm so shocked. I'm felt so guilty. Subhanallah. Apa dah jadi dengan aku.

I'm think too much of myself, but forget about this day. How I can be so selfish. Ayah, please forgive me. Ya Allah please do forgive me. Aku bersalah. Aku terleka sebentar.

26th September 2005. 

The saddest, miserable day of mine. A person that I loved the most, a person that I cared the most had leave me. Alone in this world. Had leave me when I'm just 17 years old on that day. Ya Allah aku kaget. Aku gementar. Bolehkah aku hidup tanpa ayah ketika itu.

On that day, yes he was sick. Being admitted at Hospital Kulim. But I never thought he had leave me. Kenapa? Kenapa aku tidak ada bersama dengan ayah masa tu? Aku nak. Aku nak bersama dengan ayah.

Everyday I'm praying. To Allah. Berdoa agar semuanya berjalan dengan baik. Mengharapkan ayah baik dan sihat. Tapi apakan daya Allah lebih menyayangi ayah. Dia ambil ayah dari kami, supaya Dia boleh jaga ayah dekat sana. Ya Allah. Ayahhhhh.

Ayah, how I wish you here. Miss so much your kindness, your smile, your laugh. Everything about you, ayah. Semoga Allah merahmati ayah. Along... Along minta maaf. Along belum lagi menjadi anak yang sempurna untuk ayah. Ayah, maafkan along. Insya Allah along akan buat terbaik.

Mak rindu ayah, adik rindu ayah, angah rindu ayah, abang pun sama. Ayah, kalau lah ayah ada sekarang ayah mesti bangga dengan abang. Dia sambung cita-cita ayah. Dia dah jadi tentera darat dah. I know you feel so proud of him now.

Ayah, had you look at us now? Ayah tengoklah insya Allah anak ayah akan buat yang terbaik. Along sayangkan ayah. Along kalau boleh nak ayah berada dekat sini. But it's too impossible kan ayah.

Al-fatihah for ayah

Khairol Azhar bin Ahmad
26sept2005 - 26sept2015

10 years already. You had leave us here. Insya Allah, kita akan berjumpa ayah. Along rindu ayah. 

Miss you soooo much!

I am myself

It's just.

Haih. Supposedly as a Muslim, you should praying. 

Asking for forgiveness. Beg for His rahmat. To help you. How to live in this life.

But just.

By word. You can express your feeling, your sadness, your happiness.

By word. You may can express your dissappointment. But who will bother on that? No one. No one Leya. Hahaha!

How ironic the life is? You may being happy but then you will in despair, holding a broken piece of heart. Heart of yours. So pathetic indeed.

I don't know when all this will end. But what I know is, I will just hold it as long as I could. People might don't care, but I don't care too in how they think of me. To be frank, I don't give a f*ck on that.

I am always myself. That is me. Period!

Restaurant MONrods

22/09/2015

Yezza. Semalam aku balik kerja, mak aku tak masak. Awesome sangat! Konon aku ingat nak diet la sebab 1 hari tak makan nasik kot. Hahahaha! But harapan menjadi harapan bila mak cakap mak aku nak makan luaq. LOL sgt!

Mak harini agak keletihan membalut ketupat palas. Dekat 5 kilo beras pulut ditanak dan dibalut menjadi ketupat palas. Hahahaha! Nak raya dah hoih. So nak dijadikan cerita lepas maghrib mak ajak pi makan dekat Kulim.

Mak ajak p makan dekat pondok labu katanya. Ntah aku pun tak tau mana dia. So drive ja la aku ni. LOL! Rupanya dekat nak sampai tu baru aku  faham. Rupanya mak nak ajak makan Restaurant MONrods. Mak pun...... Hat tu pun tak terkeluaq dari bibir dia. Hahahaha!

My first expression? Kinda nice and cool. Adik Aspat kata ni kedai abang senior dia dekat Badlishah. Kiranya adik junior aku la tu kan. Lalalalala! Hiasan dia okay for me, menu pun leh tahan menarik. Taste? Haha tu xtau la kena test ah.

Harga okay la for me.

Me with le family haha!

 Yang ada aku, Adik Aspat, Mak dengan Adik aku yang balik cuti, Adik Paan. Kami ja la. Angah ada dekat umah dia. Jauh ngat nak p pun kahkahkah!

Deco was so nice. Merah-merah uolss. Aku suka merah. Lighting pun helok. Hahaha! Sebab lawa kalau tangkap gambar. LOL!

Trutty Fruitty Blended

Ni minuman aku order nya. Trutty Frutty Blended. Harga dalam RM6.90. Taste? Krim dia banyak. Sapa yang suka and tak kisah dengan krim tu, memang digalakkan order. 

Aku? Just nice sebab aku tak suka krim sangat. Galak gila pesan natang ni hahaha! Yang lain ambil ayaq biasa ja. Adik Paan kata ayaq dia Nescafe Ais superb! Kira kena selera dia la. Kaw and Manis. Ewwww manis? Ewww..

Spagetti Bolognise

This one Mak aku mandai-mandai order ahhaha. Harga tak silap RM13.90. Hmmmm okay la for me if you ask me then. Just err portion agak sedikit. Dan rasa tu have to improve a bit. A bit ja. Huhuhu. Sorry na MONrods, iols bagi komen xpa kan. Hahahaha!

Meatball

Yang ni order aku hahaha! Walaupun tak boleh nak dibandingkan dengan Ikea Damansara, but not bad for me. Daging penuh terasa. Kalau black pepper sauce ni dia bole buat bagi light and put some strawberry jam, terbaik aku rasa. Huhu. Harga aku tak ingat lak. Dalam RM8.90 kot. Kalau xsilap la haih!

Tendersloin Steak

Yang ini Adik Paan aku punya makanan. Besaq gilaaaaa. Kuah okay for me. Daging dia agak liat la huhu. Aku tak tau la. Xreti hoihhh hahaha. Harga RM27.90. Kalau tanya aku, aku tak gemaq sangat. Orang lain maybe suka. Lain orang kan, lain perut nya hehehe.

Chicken Wings

Hat ni kami order saja - saja namanya. Haha Adik Paan gila sampai wat extra lagi makanan. Chicken Wings. Ada 5 ketul. full flavour of Serai. hihi. Harga not bad RM8.90.

Black Pepper Chicken Chop

Yang ini pulak, belong to my Adik Aspat. Mak aku amik Mushroom Sauce Chicken Chop. Both was nice taste. Ayam kn. Hahaha, Of course la aku suka haha.

Total kami makan malam tu was about RM120. Tak mahal and tak murah la. Hahahaha! Depends other nya budget. Rasa nak mai lagi? Yes aku akan mai lagi. Sebab nak rasa lak dish yang lain. LOL!

Band pun ada gak dekat situ. Tapi aku masa tu xdak sapa pun nyanyi. Sedey! Hahahaha!

Rate : 4/5 stars

Aummmmm..

In pain ~

Kadang. 

Bila siapa mana yang baca post lama², mesti hairan.

Mula bahasa loghat utara. Duk sat bahasa baku. Duk xduk bahasa omputih mai pulak dah. 

Maaf kalau rasa tak selesa dengan pendekatan ni. Cuma bila kuaq bahasa omputih, apa yang nak disampaikan itu kira sampai la. 

Dalam bahasa melayu, bukan tak sampai maksud dia. Cumanya bunyi dia berbunga sangat hehe.

*********************************************************************************

Just to say, I am in pain today. 

But then I never forget Al-Mighty. I am swear! Never forget Him.

Just.

I am in pain.

So pain. Until I think I am going to break. Into two.

I am so in pain.

When all these going to stop eternally? Or I am the one should fall back indeed?

So pain right now. My heart so. Damn hurt

Kinda breakdown. I am going to fall.

Fall in despair. 

Because its look like I can't doing nothing right now. To overcome my pain.

I am in pain.

The only thing that I can do now...... I need time.

Time healing almost everything. 

Time may cure the heartbroken. 

Can't say much now. Unless I got enough strength to do this. Am I being prepared on that?

I am so in pain. No doubt on this

Pain.

Pain.

Please go away.

Relationship Goals

Aah.

Gempak sangat title dia. 

Lulzzzz.

Semua orang ada matlamat percintaan dia kan, bak kata omputih relationship goals. Sama la dengan aku. Aku pun nak yang terbaik. Tapi kan daya selama 27tahun ni tak jumpa pun. Kahkahkah!

Gamaknya percintaan aku ni kena selit dengan perkahwinan kot, baru menjadi kot. Lulz. Takpa la leya oi. Everyone has their own stories and everyone has their own chapter to take care off.

Stay calm and cool.

If

If.

What if that happened. Or what if that not going to happen.

The best thing I can do indeed. Stay calm and smile. At this point of time. 

If. 

Yeah how I wish IF I can have a capability. To turn the time back to before. Kinda really want that by the way. Perhaps sound stupid. Hahaha!

I'm trying so hard. So hard until I can feel that how Im going to break into two. 

Going to fall into a deep despair. Sometimes I was like, wanted to be an ignorant person whereby I felt that I don't care what would happen soon. But I simply can't. I would proud to say that I have kind soul. Kind heart. I can't be an ignorant person, which I knew I can be that.

Simple. I don't like people to ignore me. I somehow a person who like to be pampered. I can't simply do that. That why I'm always getting hurt by them. The person that ignore about my feeling. Its truly unbearable. But. I manage to handle.

Pembarisan Tamat Latihan Tentera Darat

12 Sept 2015.

It was a memorable moment for my brother. As he had finished his training as army. I'm so proud of him as he the one continued my late father's wish. Just to came this memorable day, I had been through too tired journey. Huhu. Its started on 11 Sept 2015. On that particular day, I had to work. Seem I'm still under probation so no leave yet to be provided. If not I had to take for unpaid leave. So on that day, morning my sister had took me to work. She will use my car to fetch my little bro and mum. Then, fetch me at 1730 before straight to Port Dickson.

At first, I was driving from Penang to R&R Gunung Semanggol, before my brother in law took my place. I'm started to get headache and wanted to vomit. This disease been swirling around my life recently. Might probably due to power of my glasses. Haih. All so fu**ep up. LOL! From there, I am just sleeping without caring what happened around me. Until at one point, Hentian Sebelah Ulu Bernam I supposed too, I had changed the place with my brother in law.

Last time, we came to PD, we were took road via ELITE if I'm not mistaken, but this time I'm trying to go thru KL. Everything went well, until when nearly to PD, I was mess up. I went to the wrong exit. Haihh. Its took about 1 hour plus to get back to PD. Force me to take 'jalan lama'. Really challenging indeed. We had arrived at PD about 12 AM. Duh, really tiring. Not end yet the miserable life when we need to find for place to stay. Haih.

At first place, I had booked some nice chalet. Got help from my cousin, Fiza. Quite cheap and comfortable, as we been there before. But unfortunately, that chalet not available at that day. So damn yeah we have to look a new one. And yeah again, we didn't book earlier made us to go through all the tiredness.

About 1 AM, after went to one by one hotel or motel, at last we found place at some place named Sunshine Resort. To be frank, that place is too creepy to stay indeed. But when we think about our tired body, I don't care anymore. Just only to stay and rest for about 4 to 5 hours. I even didn't ate, just snack and light food only. My head so hurt, and my body so tired. My sister and her husband then went to buy food for us. Me? After my bath, I just straight went for sleep. So damn tired of me. Working then drive to come along to PD.

I was awake after my mother wake me up about 5.30 AM. Oh gosh, how I wanted to ignore and keep sleep until afternoon. But I simply cannot to do that. LOL! We started to get busy then as that day, 12th September, the important day for my brother. We had arrived at Kem PUSASDA about 7 AM. What a big crowd there. We can't managed to park inside the Kem as they had closed the main entrance. Damn! LOL!

All the way from front to the field, pheww its took quite a time to arrive, Each families bring own foods, some more 'tikar'. Haih we didn't prepared at all. Just only bring 'ketupat', 'serunding' and cheese cake for my brother. Hahaha. At the earlier morning, I had ate fried rice where my sister bought it yesterday. My head getting hurt more rather than yesterday. My stomach was not so well too. I think I might vomit soon. I shall prepare my plastic indeed if that case.

My instinct were right, About 11 AM plus when everyone was busy looking at the 'pembarisan' at the field, I was vomit. LOL! Luckily I had hold my plastic all the time. Its truly hurt. My throat. The fried rice! Hello! Looks like he waving at me. Hahahaha! But then my head become on off. Its sometime good, sometimes not. About nearly to 12 PM, then my brother appeared in front of us. So dark of him. Hahahaha! But i think he had became more matured indeed. I'm so proud of him. No doubt.

How mature he was. So proud!!

Our small family. Miss my late father and Qaseh :(

We started went back to KL about 2 PM. As my mother really want to go GM Klang. so we went there first. My head still hurt like hell. Oh what a day. Most of the time my brother in law drove us back. Ahh thank gosh, I had backup driver for that.

We had arrived at Kedah, my house about 11 PM plus. So tiring. Straight to bathroom and clean up myself. So refreshing indeed. How I miss so much my dear bed. Hahahaha!

Heartbroken Heartbreaker

For god sake, women truly a weird creature. Sometime she can be creepy too. Haha.


When woman in FBI mode, no police or CSI can beat them. Haihhh.


Why la my fingers, my mind cannot stay quiet? Don't try to do sometime that might hurt yourself. Haihhh. Too much kind, too much care may lead to disappointment feeling. Today so suck. Too much truth and too much exposed secret that I had knew. Do I need to fall back? Haha. Laugh and laugh. And I just can do that only. Smiling like nothing happened.


Haihh that why women is creepy creature.


They can be nice, they can be evil. Damn kahkahkah. How I wish to turn back the time. So that I wouldn't be like this. So useless indeed. I need to calm myself. Be the best of me. Can't do much as this is my fault indeed. Eventually this thing will be happen soon.


Might ~~~ soon. Coming soon perhaps.


The naive, stupid girl was gone now


*The Heartbroken Heart breaker*


~Leya~

Smile like nothing happened! :)

Sunday Mayday Mayday!

Hahaha. Cuti baq hangggg.

Aku sampai tak torah la tak tau nak buat apa. Mulanya planning nak p Sunway Carnival. Pakteh lak xjadi, si kawan aku kat taman ni. Aku lak nyut² pala sakit lak. So xjadi laaaa. 

Aku lena ja baq hang. Sampai pukul 2.30 ptg kot. Xleh jadi ni aku terus whatsapp Paksu, kawan dekat taman ni. Ajak main boling haha. Dekat Kulim Landmark.

So kira on tu, aku terus siap la. Tunggu bapak apa lagi. Kahkahkah! Sampai sana, kami main 2game. Naseb baik Paksu ada. Dia ex staff dekat situ. Dapat la harga member. Kihkihkih!

Lenguh abis jari aku. Merah² terus haha. Lama gila tak main boling. Skill pon dah ilang. Hampehhhh. Hahaha. 2 game, dua² aku dapat no.2. Puiiiii hahaha.

Bila Cik Leya main boling hahhaa

Western Food - Le Boss, Sungai Petani

Hmmm western food. Sapa suka makan western food!!! Aku! Aku! Lolzz hahahaha. Ni nak cerita pasai aku makan western food dekat Sungai Petani. Nama "Le Boss". Orang kata quite famous la. Aku tak tahu la sebab memang xpernah dengaq huhu. Kot orang SP tau la kot. 

Kami masa tu main tengok dalam FB ja. Adik aku la, dia memang rajin bab ni. Then belanja aku dengan mak haha. Kebetulan adik laki aku yang duk asrama tu balik, so kami pi la dekat adik Angah aku. Kami siap cari nombor telefon nak call tanya tempat haha. 1st trial masuk voicemail, call 2nd time baru dapat. Kemain kena booking huhu. Sure gempak la ni huhu.

Lokasi dia kata, belakang Nasi Kandar Nashmir dekat yang Village Mall tu. So macam tau jugak la aku ni huhu. Tak susah mana pun, seyes senang nak jumpa huhu. Masuk kedai tu, perasaan aku? Perghhhh okay aku kagum hehe. Dia buat ala2 studio style, and for me yeah, kinda exciting to taste their foods huhu. Aku order apa ntah, besaq bapak haih ayam dia. You may see the picture down there huhu.

Ayam apa xtau haih hahaha

hat ni mak aku order. Ikan dory. Sedap!

Adik laki aku makan Chicken Chop. Adik Angah aku order Beef Steak. Terbaik baq hangggg. Harga RM20++, dapat lak 2 keping daging. Wehhh besaq ah.

So sapa2 nak try, pi la. Recommended!

Zaaz Steamboat&Grill

Jumaat 28 Ogos 2015. Adik laki, Si Aspat wasap aku suruh balik awai. Katanya nak ajak makan. Aku pun since tadak ada planning apa² terus kata okay lah

Mulanya mak ajak nak makan dekat Nashmir di Kulim tu. Situ ada tomyam sedap. Adik angah dah bawak dah ritu Asama Tomyam(later aku bagi review eh). Siap pekena tomyam poktek. Awesomeeeeee.

Since aku tak mau tomyam, aku ajak mak aku makan steamboat. Ritu kawan aku, Kak Mimi penah makan situ. Dia kata murah. Sekepala RM14. Kalau nak kambing, kena plus lagi RM10. Aku pun okay let's try hahaha.

Lokasi senang sangat. Dekat Padang Serai ja. Kalau dari pekan tu, akan jumpa petronas then terus ja. Sampai jumpa bangunan baru yang ada supermarket. Kedai steamboat ni sebelah dengan kedai gunting rambut. Adoii aku pon tak ingat nama kedai dia.

Okay, masa masuk tu ingatkan kena bayaq dulu. Rupanya makan dulu haha. Owner kedai sangat lah ramah. Harga dia bukan lagi RM14 tapi RM15. Alaa sehinggit je beza. Tapi yang best nya no limit weiii. Kambing ikut hang la nak makan banyak mana. Hahaha

Ayaq dia kira asing. Memang jenuh wei. Aku pulun sakan. Dari pukul 8.15pm sampai 9.30pm aku makan. Mak aku sampai marah aku, makan banyak sgt hahaha. Sapa² nak makan sila la datang try, yang bagi aku sangatlah worth it. Mau tak nya makan ikut hang, dengan harga semurah tu. Hang bole rebus and grill. Aummmmmmm sedap sangat okayyy.

Yummy yummyyyyyy

Designer Collection by Cosway

Semalam. 26/08/2015.

Ceq gaji hehehe. Aku ni p la rehat dgn Kak Rozy, ofismate aku p Cosway. Mula tu kami p lu tekan duit haha. Almaklum la dah gaji. Kaya sat ja tu. Pehtu kayap lak aku. Haha bayaq keta, insurance apa smua, licin truih. Semakkkkk. Haih bila nak kaya gaji besaq xtau haha.

Yang nk p Cosway, Kak Rozy dia nak cari bedak compact Miyami. Aku tak reti sngat nak pakai. Angah pandai la sbb dia mng layan pun Miyami. Aku ni, dulu pakai MAC. Dah kayap lani just pakai antara Maybeline or Silky Girl nya. Okay gak, kena dengan kulit la.

Okay back to the topic of Cosway. Kebetulan bedak Miyami tu ada offer, beli 3 free 1 kot xsilap aku. Kak Rozy pa lagi mmg sauk la. Haha. Yang aku gedik duk pusing kedai. Selalu di mata aku, akan tengok losyen, perfume or barang makeup. Masa tu duk usyar 1 losyen tu, ishhh wangi la. Ingat nak sauk la. Dalam RM13++ cmtu. Okay sangat bagi aku. Dari nak beli VS. Huhuhu. Xmmpu doh. So grab la mula tu. 

Tengok² kak Cosway tu offer hat lain plak dh. Dia kata ada offer for member. Haih

Kebetulan Kak Rozy memang member Cosway pun. So ada la offer for Designer Collection R Series nya. 1 set cuma RM31.90. Murahh bapakkk ahhhh. Tapi time aku meronta nak hat yang aku tengok memula kaler peach tu. Kak Cosway tu pulun la duk kata R Series ni lagi sedap. Dia kaler pink. Aku pun sbb offer baik. So aku grab ja la. Mau tak nya wei, perfume + body spray + losyen + deodorant + bedak talkum. 5 in 1 price. RM31.90 wei. Murah ahh. So xpala amik gak.

R-Series Set

Masa duk test bau tu mcm xbest. Aku dalam hati mmpuih dah. Xbau sedap xdaknya aku nak. Silap² aku pass dekat Puan Mak. Hahaha. Tapi tu la org ckp. Jangan nilai dari luaran. Aku balik ofis teruih test baq hanggggg. Wangi la hoiiii. Xrugi aku beli. Mau soft ja. Xkuat mana pon tapi soft jaaaa. Tula hari ni 27/08/2015, aku pakai dah. Si Sobri opismate aku teguq. Bau lainnn. Aummm. Nanti kalu abis set ni, aku nak beli losyen ja. Pun dah cukup. Hehe

Babaiiii~~~~