Maybe....

No one can see your tears


Flowing down your cheek in the rain.


No one can understand the pain, you have gnawing on the inside


If you smile just like before.


No one can see your broken heart,


They cannot see that you are in pieces.


You are hiding it well.


Going out when it rains.


Smiling fake smiles.


With your mouth.


That never reaching your eyes.


Talking. Laughing. Fake. Fake. Fake.


You do wonder if there actually exist people out there,


People who can mend broken things as delicate as someone’s heart.


Maybe not.


Maybe not now.


Maybe someday.


Maybe never.


Maybe.

In the meantime,


you keep smiling and laughing and crying in the rain.



— Celtic-Poetry, Rain (via wnq-writers)

Take Chances

Take chances,


Take a lot of them.


Because honestly, no matter where you end up just the way it should be.


Your mistakes make you who you are.


You learn and grow with each choice you make.


Everything is worth it.


Say how you feel, always.


Be you and be okay with it.

This is a life!

You don't ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life.


It doesn't matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend.


Or a new acquaintance -- you don't have to make room for people who cause you pain,


Or make you feel small.


It's one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change.


But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries,


And continues to treat you in a harmful way....


They need to go.

Keep Moving. Don't Look Back

Stop worrying.


Stop getting angry at things that aren't worth the energy you put into staying angry.


Take a shower.


Take five showers.


Hell, take ten showers if you want to.


Stay in bed all day and do "nothing".


Watch shitty romantic movies and cry your heart out.


Stay outside all day.


Wake up in the morning with the determination to fall in love with your city all over again.


Find quiet cafes and independent book stores that you've never come across before.


Pretend you're a tourist and take photographs.


Stay out all night.


Do things.


Take care of yourself.


Breathe. Yeah don't forget to breathe.



Credit to : Unknown.

Open Letter to the Boy Emotionally Destroyed That Girl

This letter was touched my heart so deeply.

How I can feel her feeling, just like what I am been face by now.

Credit to : onmogul.com

Let you guy read this and engulf it to your soul.

***************************

I want you to imagine this: a girl sitting on her bedroom floor, dry-heaving, her body convulsing with each failed attempt at silencing the sobs, banging her fists onto the ground as she tried to make sense of it all. Now, I want you imagine my face because that girl was me, and I was never good enough for you. I was constantly coming second to dozens of other girls. You made me feel completely worthless. You emotionally ruined me.

I don’t hate you, though. Instead I want to thank you.

Despite it taking me months, I finally realized that it wasn’t me not being good enough for you, but you not being good enough for me. These words have resonated with me for some time, and I am constantly reminding myself that I deserve better than the distorted perception of love that was handed to me on a tarnished silver platter. I deserve better than being ignored, I deserve better than being manipulated, and I deserve better than you.

I know I’m not the same girl that was on my bedroom floor that night, because I would never give someone complete power over me where I lost control; complete power over me where I felt I was worthless.

I was consumed by nothing but negativity, and for a while I thought you were my only source of light. I was drowning and every single day I woke up and hoped your hand would pull me up to the surface and save me. I was wrong. That night was the night I realized your hand was never there to save me, but instead there to push me deeper below the surface. The only hand I needed was my own.

You were my darkness and it took me too long to realize this.

I know you’re a good person, but next time you ask yourself what it was you ever did to me I want you to think of the girl crying on her bedroom floor. I want you to think of the girl that couldn’t sleep because the nightmares were worse than reality, which had become her own personal hell. I want you to think of the girl who couldn’t eat because she had no appetite from the anxiety caused from thinking she did something wrong. I want you to think of the girl who hated herself so much she had to force herself to get up in the morning, only to crawl back into bed hours later. I want you to think of the girl who had countless silent breakdowns, hoping her parents wouldn’t hear. I want you to think of all the things you never saw, all the things you never experienced, all the things that were kept hidden.

And now I want you to think of the person I have become, and I want you to know that I am thankful for you creating a monster. I’m no longer a monster, and I no longer have to force happiness. No more do I have to seek validation from others that I am worthy. I am thankful you were a part of my life, because you became the best, worst thing to happen to me.

I do hope you’re happy, and just know I don’t regret you. I would never wish for you to experience the same hell as me, I just wish you the same happiness that I can finally experience every day. Thank you for engulfing me in darkness, thank you for helping me grow, and thank you for pushing me further below the surface. Too many great things have come from that darkness. Too many great things have come from you.

I thought ...

I thought.


I thought I'm over him,


But sometimes I still collapse and feel like I'm stuck in a cage of all the words he told me, a construct of lies.


I thought I was over him but sometimes my heart stops for a short moment,


Because a stranger looks like him just for a second.


I thought I'm over him but when I think about someone else touching my lips I get sick in my stomach.


I thought I'm over him, but while writing or reading poems they're all about him.


I thought I'm over him but I just can't forget.

~~~ Anonymous .

P/S : I really fucking wish to have amnesia right now. So I can forget everything which related to him

Being in love

Being in love is a very strange thing.


Your thoughts constantly drift towards this other person, no matter what you’re doing.


You could be reaching for a glass in the cupboard or brushing your teeth


Or listening to someone tell a story,


And your mind will just start drifting towards their face, their hair, the way they smell, wondering


what they’ll wear, and what they’ll say the next time they see you.

— Pittacus Lore, The Power of Six





P/S : I rather not being in love as I am so scared to feel hurt and pain as I can feel someone had


stabbed my heart, or shot it by gun. ~Sigh~

Learn to Let It Go

No one wants to give-up on someone they love, such as a relative, friend or lover.


But, sometimes we are forced to make hard decisions by extraordinary suffering.


It’s easy to judge, or say, “never give-up,” until you have been there.


Eventually, you begin to realize that life is too short and your powers to teach, influence or heal are limited.


You finally accept that their emptiness, pain and dysfunction requires more than you have to give.


You can’t hand your whole life and soul to someone who doesn’t even care about their own.


Letting go is an excruciating heartbreak; mourning the death of what once was.


If you did let someone go, and you still have guilt, it’s time to forgive yourself and begin to heal.


If it is time to let someone go, for their sake, or for yours, then this may be your confirmation.


— Bryant McGill

Diwali Celebration

Yesterday was Malaysia's public holiday. So of course I am getting excited since I'm off on that day, and also wanted to celebrate that special day for Indian citizens. My mother asked me to bring her to Penang, and met with her friend, Aunty Alia. So I am happy to obligated to her request. 

We went there about 12.00 PM, and to be lucky that, all petrol expenses being sponsored by my mother. Hahaha. Double lucky because I'm also got free food! We had arrived at Tanjong Bungah, and picked Makcik Ani, also my mother's friend. 

Since we came so early at afternoon, Aunty Alia said she couldn't managed to finish Nasi Briyani on time. So sad!! But sinc thosai was done, so we grabbed thosai. Her cooking so fantastic and delicious. To be honest, if you wanted to eat Indian foods, it's should be cooked by Indian families. The originality still there, and how I love so much Indian food!

The tasty thosai mixed together with dhal and chicken curry really made me so full. I can't imagined as I can ate almost 4 pieces of thosai. Hahaha. Freakingly awesome I guess. Normally if i went to Mamak and get the thosai, I can only ate only 1 piece only. That thing had made me so full already. But yesterday. Damn. Hahahaha I can still put that things almost 4 pieces. Really shocking. Mohohoho.

After we went to Aunty Alia's house, we went to Aunty Bavani's house at Batu Ferringhi. At there also, she was preapred thosai for us. Of course I will eat it! Hahahaha. Different people could be different style of cooking. At Aunty Bavani's house, her thosai quite plain if compared to Aunty Alia's one. Aunty Alia made it more crispy. But if compared to their chicken curry, both of them had made wonderful one. 

My mother was also excited with Indian cooking. She quickly asked the recipe and so on. Hahaha so funny of her. 

And more importantly, I also can tasted muruku, other Indian's snack. Damn. So crunchy. Yummyyyyyy. Haihhhh, anyone can give some more of muruku? I am craving on that. Uwawawawa.

After I had "attacked" 2 houses, (hahahhaha) quickly drove towards Kulim, as my brother had waited for me at his school. He just went back from Ulu Lengong, Baling for his school trip. 

Break free

Errr....

Yeah, indeed. 

This is what I need to do right now.

I need to get away for a while

To re-think what I am supposed to do.

Too much hurt, too much damaged.

And I think that I need a break for that.

To free the mind.

To break free from unwanted feeling.

~Sigh~

Just Tired

Seriously . Yes seriously I am so tired.


Tired to be a good person


Tired to be a wise person


Tired being sorry to something that I didn't do even I'm myself didn't know what's wrong


Tired to be a caring person which end up will make me so hurt.


Fucking hurt.


Is it a test for me? From Al-Mighty One?


Subhanallah.

Hurt

Hurt.

So fucking hurt, as I want to burst so much tears right now.

Am I so stupid enough to let this happen to me?

Why me? Why this must happened to me?

All I want just to be fucking happy. Am I so wrong to ask this kind of request?

So hurt. I am so hurt until I can felt the time was stopped for me. 

My heart broken. Shattered in a tiny pieces. Whereby no one can't pick it up and patch it back for me.

Damn. In this age, where I should think about marriage or children by the way.


Just why this happened to me?

I must say this is all my fucking fault, to let this happened.

Sometimes I was thinking, am my life changed to another way, if I am not meet this kind of people?

Or what would happened then?

I guess I need to move on, get over it and move my ass from this distraction relationship.


But I couldn't!


Oh please Leya, Make your mind now.


What do you want actually??!


Urghhh!

Mee Kuah Tulang Singkiaq

Tedia tedia tedia oi. Hahaha. Asyik post sedih saja haih, Kali ni nak post pasal makanan lak haih.

Last 2 weeks kot, aku pi umah adik aku dekat Merbok. Cadangnya nak tengok anak Si Ika tu, biras 

adik baru bersalin. Anak laki. Comei baq hang.

Geram haih tengok. Macam nak muka arwah Qaseh Nuraina ja aku tengok. Rindu dia huhuhu!

So lepas pada dah melawat tu, adik aku macam besa la selalu buat pasai. So dia ajak p makan lak dah.

Dia kata nak bawak mak aku makan Mee Kuah. Aku tanya dekat mana? Dia kata dekat Singkir. 

Orang utagha panggey Singkiaq. Hahaha!

Aku nak habaq jalan pun aku tak tau la haha. Tapi dia area Singkiaq, di mana penunjuk kedai tu ada 

bendera PAS huhu. Dia jugak dekat dengan masjid Singkiaq. 

Aku order Koey Teaw Kuah Ayam. For me hmmmmm so so la. Huhuhu kurang menangkap rasa dia.

In a meantime tu, mak and adik aku pesan Mee Kuah Tulang. Ha tu mmg bombastic. Sedap! 

No wonder la dia boh nama kedai dia, MEE KUAH TULANG. Rasanya tu yang dia nya signature kot

Aku yang bodo sebakui p order entah apa2. Hahaha! Tapi nak wat gena, aku mana reti makan tulang 

Sob sob sob.

Mee Kuah Tulang. Menangkap baq hang!

Koey Teow Kuah Ayam. Bole la huhu

So selamat menjamu selera la sapa2 yang duk tengok ni. Menangkap leleh gila bab nya. Lol!!

Simply

I just simply can't. You may asked me to do anything but not this one.


I'm not sure whether I am too clingy or maybe I am too stubborn person. Haihh


I am completely blurred. Need to do something on this.


I need to work on it. Get over it. As soon as possible. Hmm


Its getting make me so tired lately.


Just no more tears by the way. Just frustrated feeling.


~Leya~